23: Tips for Surviving an Excruciating Hangover While the Chorus to the Eagles’ Song “Take it to the Limit” (Just the Final Chorus, the One with the High Harmonies) Runs On an Endless Loop in Your Skull
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? That “after work” drink turned into several drinks, and the next thing you know, you wake up in your bed (or someone else’s, wait what ladies!!!) with a pounding headache, a dry mouth, a hazy memory, and, worst of all, the chorus to the Eagles’ song “Take it to the Limit”—just the final chorus, the one with the high harmonies—running on an endless loop in your skull.
Maybe you are going through this excruciating time right now. You’ve googled the words “hangover painful eagles take it to the limit endless oh dear lord please kill me” and no one—not even the Mayo Clinic—has any suggestions. You are on the brink of madness. Everything seems hopeless. All is lost. There is nowhere to turn.
First off: I am not going to sugarcoat this. You are in serious trouble. There are no easy answers. This will take hours, and, in your weakened condition, it will be difficult. There is no silver bullet, no magical instant remedy like listening to the “Beverly Hills Cop” soundtrack or simple hydration and moderate exercise. Modern medicine—such as it is—cannot save you. You will feel adrift in a sea of mellow seventies terror, lost in a funhouse of vicious country rock harmony. Alienated from your own body and your own mind, as the words “One more time…” are sung, and you know that you will relive the atrocity again and again and again.
Please note, however, that I said this will be difficult, but not impossible. I speak to you as a survivor of this devastating earworm. I have been free of excruciating hangovers while the chorus to the Eagles’ song “Take it to the Limit”—just the final chorus, the one with the high harmonies—runs on an endless loop in my skull, for over two weeks now. All I can really say to assuage your pain is that you will one day live to be free of Eagles’ songs trapped inside your head while you are hung over. You will monitor your drinking, and do what you can to make sure you will never have to experience what you are currently experiencing.
You are not alone. Never forget this. People love you and want you to be Eagles-free. Your head will, sooner than you think, beat this thing, and you will go back to having “She’s Tight” by Cheap Trick, and other songs less hellish than “Take it to the Limit,” trapped inside your head for hours at a time.
If it makes you feel better—curse your fate. Curse yourself for drinking too much, curse the classic rock stations for still playing the song, curse Barack Obama because he probably has something to do with it, curse Randy Meissner for writing the damn song. Do whatever you need to do to try and maintain a semblance of comfort through these trying seconds, minutes, hours, and even days. Yes, days. (And nights.)
While I can’t sit here and say “Someday, you’ll look back on this and laugh,” what I can say is that you will emerge from this experience a stronger person. To paraphrase the Buddha: Existence is suffering an excruciating hangover while the chorus to the Eagles’ song “Take it to the Limit”—just the final chorus, the one with the high harmonies—runs on an endless loop in your skull. Yes, my friend, you have been scorched by the flames of rock-country balladry, but from the ashes, you are a phoenix who will transcend the played out and overplayed.
Hang in there, and we’ll see you on the other side, with a gallon of homemade Four-Loko and a copy of John Coltrane’s “Ascension.”