Story #9: A Plea on Behalf of The Coalition for the Sex Starved of Milwaukee Avenue

by suededenimfiresale

Dear Friend:
When we see them, we look away.
We avert our eyes and try to think of our own troubles.
And yet, they cannot be ignored. Not entirely.
Men and women. As human as you. Or me. Stumbling down the street. Mumbling. Shouting. Lurching. Scowling. Belligerent. Horny.
They are the Sex Starved of Milwaukee Avenue.
Reduced to wearing New York Knicks jerseys over their paunchy frames, cargo shorts, crocs, and faded barbed wire tattoos across their biceps, the poor Sex Starved of Milwaukee Avenue must fall into their white Infiniti SUVs and swerve home. Alone.
In too-short white skirts exposing cellulitic thighs and overpriced knee-high black boots, sad women look like washed-up German prostitutes as they yell in the brashest and harshest of Middle Western phlegm-tones to their similarly attired companions about how they are either married, or gay.
It’s time for us to do something. All of us.
For the price of a cup of coffee a day, your donation will provide the Sex Starved of Milwaukee Avenue with a diverse selection of high-definition Southern Californian pornography, hand-crafted and locally sourced.
For the price of a slice of pepperoni pizza a day, your donation will provide the Sex Starved of Milwaukee Avenue with lessons in etiquette, comportment, and hygiene. They will learn not to yell in cell phones while in public, and will be trained in the fine art of knowing when to shut up, and when to shut up.
We are not asking you to fuck them. We are asking you to help them.
Every donation you give goes far to help end this cruel famine.
So please give, won’t you? And together, we can eliminate the scourge of sex starvation on Milwaukee Avenue in our lifetime.
Thank you.
Yours truly,
Brian Costello
Musician and Activist